Hi, my name is Roly. I’m 40 years old. I’m a healthy, active guy with a good office job. I eat right – ok, MOST of the time 😉 I surf, I bike, I bowl, I play beach volleyball, and I’ve been lifting weights 3X a week for the past 25 years, since I was 15 years old. And next week I’m going to start doing steroids.
Even though I’ve been lifting for 25 years, if you had a look at me, you certianly would not say – wow I bet that guy lifts weights! You’d probably think I’m in decent shape, but that’s about it.
I work my ASS off in the gym. I go hard. I often go too hard and don’t recover before my next workout and have to dial it back a bit. I eat plenty of protein. I haven’t been perfect with my diet, but I’m better than 95% of the population.
I’ve done low carb, I’ve done low fat, I’ve done “Eat big to grow bro!” I’ve done everthing you can think of diet wise to grow some muscle and lose some fat.
I’ve succeeded at losing fat in the past and got all the way down to 9% bodyfat (although I wound up at 140 pounds). That I can do. That’s just a matter of sticking to your diet. But I’ve never been able to put on meaningful quantities of muscle.
In the gym I’ve trained 3 days a week, 5 days a week, 4 days, 2 days. I’ve done high reps, low reps, 5×5, 3×10, 3×20, pyramids, supersets, drop sets, forced reps, high volume, low volume. I’ve done the big 3, squats, bench, deads. I’ve done hit-the-muscle-from-every-possible-angle with isolation exercises training. I’ve done abbreviated low volume only compound lifts, etc, etc, etc. I have tried it ALL.
Whatever you think I’m not doing, I. Have. Done.
And in TWENTY-FIVE YEARS of lifting weights I have not been able to accomplish my very modest goal of putting on 20 pounds of muscle. Not in 1 year, or in 5 years. In 25 years I have been unable to accompish this!
I never thought I’d be here ready to do steroids. But there is a lesson I’ve learned in life. And that is – If what you’re doing isn’t working, it’s time to try something else.
Trust me when I say, there is NOTHING I can do naturally that is magically going to allow me to accomplish this goal now that I wasn’t able to discover in 25 years of being a methodical scientist in the gym and kitchen.
I’m not a dumb meat-head about this, I’m an intelligent, methodical man. And it’s precisely that intelligence that has led me to the only logical conclusion, that if this goal is important enough to me, I have to do steroids.
I can just accept what I’ve got and say “This is the size God game me”. Or I can change it with steroids. I cannot change it naturally. I tried for 25 years and finally accept I’ve reached my limit, however pathetic that limit may appear.
The irony here, is I am NOT trying to be huge. I’m not trying to be a massive bodybuilder. I just wanted to put on SOME muscle and look like a MAN, not a hot teenager.
Naturally I can be a lean 155 pounds, or a smooth 170. Or a fat 200. And that’s it! All I really wanted was to be a LEAN 175 pounds. At 5’10” and with 25 YEARS to get after it, that didn’t seem unreasonable.
That was the final straw. That was the number that made me decide to do steroids. My total Testosterone when I got it checked. I mean there have been lots of other reasons, but 409, was the final straw.
Months before, I had started researching testosterone levels in healthy men online and realized there is a huge variation. We’re not all the same. I also came to terms with the FACT that your testosterone level determines how much muscle you have the potential to carry on your frame. NOT how hard you work in the gym or how “big” you eat.
True, with high T levels but no workout and poor diet you won’t magically grow, but you can’t grow without it.
Look at women
I know women that work their asses off in the gym. And yeah they look buff. For chicks. But they will never, ever, ever get “big”. A woman will never have lean 18″ arms naturally because she doesn’t have the testosterone in her body to grow to that size.
And that’s when it hit me. Maybe no matter how hard I train, and how much attention I pay to diet, I am doomed to fail, because I simply don’t have enough testosterone in my body to grow to the size I want.
FYI, I currently have 14″ arms, flexed, after YEARS of working out. After years of trying specifically to grow those arms, trying everything from “squatting for big arms” to isolation exercises. Does not fucking matter what I do, they won’t get any bigger.
So I went and got my Testosterone levels checked for the first time in my life, just to see if that MIGHT be the issue. 409. Four hundred and nine! That is TERRIBLE!
If this post is to be believed, that’s an average number for an 85 year old man! No wonder I’m banging my head against the wall all these years.
It’s not for lack of effort
In a way I feel RELIEVED and vindicated. And I want to throw out a big fuuuuuuuuuck you! to all those big guys in the gym, who told me I wasn’t working hard enough, or eating enough. Riiiiiiiiiight.
It doesn’t matter how you eat and train, you will NOT grow big muscles with a total T level of 409. Never, ever, ever gonna’ happen. EVER. You have to accept this truth, there is no secret method, or diet or anything that will make ANY difference when your levels are that low.
It’s not to say you can’t grow ANY muscle. If I don’t lift at all and I’m not fat, I naturally weigh 140 pounds. So lifting got me from 140 to 155. With a Total T level of 409 I can’t expect to put on more than 15 pounds of muscle no matter how dedicated I am in the gym and kitchen.
Cursed With The Skinny
Now there are ways to raise your T levels naturally, diet and exercise and supplement, and lifestyle changes you can make. And it’s important that I do do that if I have any hope of keeping the muscles I grow while on steroids.
But at this point, the dots have been connected, I realize what’s been holding me back my whole life DESPITE PUTTING IN THE EFFORT!!
That’s the most infuriating part. I’ve been doing the work. I have diligently spent 3 days a week for 25 years going to the gym after work, trying hopelessly to grow muscle. With the T levels of an 85 year old man.
Seriously once the dots connected on the T connection. I HAVE to do it now, just to prove my point. We all know guys who just have unbelievably lucky genetics and can lift weights for a very short time and put on slabs of muscle. Those ‘lucky genetics’ really boils down to having naturally higher T levels.
I have unlucky genetics
Which honestly makes me think that all I’m doing by taking steroids is leveling the playing field. Like this is the greatest ‘Revenge of the Nerds’ shit EVER! It’s not fair that I’m doing this? Ok. Well how is it fair that other guys were just born with levels in the 700’s or 900’s?
I will HAPPILY level that playing field with science. This notion that you should just be happpy with what you were born with, when you can improve it is crazy.
I’m not trying to convince you – or myself – that what I’m doing is right or wrong. I don’t need convincing, I am 100% on board. I am downright EXCITED to do steroids!
Some of my other reasons for doing this:
DOCTORS are now prescribing it!
So steroids are bad and evil, and cheating and incredibly dangerous right?? That’s what I was always told. But wait, if you can get a doctor to say you suffer from Low T… now all of the sudden those same steroids are totally Ok, and you can have them prescribed as Testosterone Replacement Therapy.
I know TRT is only Testosterone and not all the synthetic steroids like Winstrol, Deca-durabolin, dianabol, etc. But still the fact that they can demonize it for years and then turn around and prescribe it is ridiculous. And for the record, all I will be doing is Testosterone, not any of the synthetic ones. …yet. Mooo-ha-haaaaa!
You can do your research and do it safely now
Gone are the days of doing a sketchy drug deal behind a gym with some guy you barely know. You found this blog didn’t you? With the advent of the internet you can do your homework, and learn about different cycles and PCT and how to keep more of your gains, and be a scientist about it.
You can find LEGIT sources online that are far safer than a back alley deal. Remember steroids are LEGAL in a lot of countries. You can buy from one of those sources and the only sketchy part is shipping it to the States. Bottom line, you can GREATLY increase your chances of having a cycle go well and be a positive, successful experience.
The negative side effects are GROSSLY exaggerated.
Where are the bodies??? If steroids are as horrible as they say where are the bodies?? Arnold is still alive and he’s almost a 70 year old man, same for Ferrigno. I’m gonna do over my lifetime 1/2 of 1% of what those guys did. I drank alcohol. And did some other recreational drugs in college. 😉 This is no worse than any of that.
I need to do something bad
I quit binge drinking on the weekends a few years back, I haven’t done drugs in ages, I’m a law-abiding citizen with an office job, and it’s driving me nuts. I need to break the rules every once in a while. This is a good release for that.
I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. I have a great job, a 767 credit score, I pay all my bills on time… I CAN’T BE GOOD ALL THE TIME. :-/ Ok, ok, this one isn’t really a reason, it’s just a nice bonus.
All My Heroes Do It
I used to talk on workout forums about how you shouldn’t do cardio in excess, because cardio destroys muscle mass. You should train like a sprinter, not a marathoner. And I BELIEVED if I trained more like the sprinter and less like the marathoner my body could become more like the sprinter.
Until one day I realized one of the sprinters I used to support that argument was Ben Johnson, the Canadian sprinter who was stripped of his gold medal for steroid use.
The more I opened my eyes and started to accept how rampant steroid use is, the more I realized almost all of the male bodies I saw in the media that I wanted to be like, were created with steroids, not simply hard work and diet.
Naturally, you can be BIG or you can be lean. You can’t be both.
I mean I KNEW the obvious ones like Arnold was on gear. And all pro bodybuilders. And pro wrestlers. My high school chemistry teacher pointed out something very simple, and yet profoundly true.
Once one of them does it, they all have to, to compete
But those guys weren’t my heros. I didn’t want to look like a pro bodybuilder. I just wanted to be man-sized.
Thor from the Avengers (Chris Hemsworth). Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. Mark Wahlberg in Pain & Gain. 99% of the UFC. ALL on steroids. All of them. Don’t kid yourself. It’s not just hard work.
Hugh Jackman is in his 40’s. You don’t put size on like that and stay that lean in your 40’s without help. Pain & Gain is a movie ABOUT GUYS USING STEROIDS! But we’re supposed to believe the actors playing steroid users, got big with diet and exercise?? Go fuck yourself.
And it slowly started to sink in. If I wanted to look like those guys, I HAD to use. There is a certain sadness about this decision. My grandfather never had to worry about what his body looked like. He was a man with a job, that was good enough. Times have changed I guess.
He also probably only ever had sex with my grandmother. I’m trying to be a hot man so I can attract many hot women. It seems a fair price to pay. And that brings us to the biggest reason of all…
I’m Tired of Not Getting The Girl
The main reason comes back to why I even lift weights in the first place. I’m tired of not getting the girl. I don’t give a shit what they tell you, they ARE that superficial.
Girls like MAN-sized men. They just do. Tall guys have it easy because they are man-sized by default. I’m not short, but at 5’10” I’m just average. And I am …CURSED with the skinny.
I didn’t want to believe it I thought you could get the girl with a great personality, and a good sense of humor. Or if that’s not enough, then SURELY with solid confidence.
But time and time and time again, the girl chooses some other guy over me. And EVERY SINGLE TIME that other guy is simply bigger. That’s it! I have never, ever, EVER lost the girl to a smaller man. EVER.
Don’t misunderstand, I’m not some super-nerd, who’s never been laid, I’ve been with lots of girls. BUT…. for the amount of effort I put in, and the fact that I’ve been single for most of my adult life, I should be doing better. This is another one of those situations where I HAVE PUT IN THE WORK, and still couldn’t get the results.
This one really rang true, when I found the “pickup artist” community and worked on my ‘game’ I read Neil Stauss’s book, I spent like 5 years getting really good! I got to where I could go talk to any hot girl. And I did consistently.
When it’s me being a wuss, or acting insecure and nervous, that’s one thing. But when I bring my A game and am FEARLESS and funny, and alpha as shit and it’s still not enough?? And the girl leaves with the guy that is simply bigger than me? 100 times over. That’s it. There’s no mystery.
I’m not getting it twisted and thinking bigger is better no matter what. Or that personality, status, money, confidence, values, all those other things don’t matter. They do. And a lot of guys doing steroids are WAY overdoing it. And would actually do better with women, if they’d ease up a bit. But I am LAUGHABLY nowhere near that! Where I’m at, my size is a liability. Plain and simple.
Being Average Sucks
I guess in a way, it’s more about not being average. Guys in bands don’t have to use steroids, because they’re in bands. Rich guys don’t have to. Anyone famous doesn’t have to. I hate being average, I really do. But the reality is I’m a 5’10” 155-170 pound guy (depending on how lean or fat I am) that works an office job.
Doesn’t get more average than that. I AM going to start a band. I AM working on having my own successful business on the side. But in the meantime, the easiest thing I can do to not be average is do steroids, workout, diet, and develop a way better than average body.
So now that you know why, DIG IN to this blog and follow the journey with me. I hope you can see, I’m going to be 100% transparent and honest. I don’t care if you think I’m shallow, it is what it is. This is what I’m doing, follow along!
I’m gonna’ share everything I’ve learned, because I just spent the bettter part of a YEAR researching this stuff before I finally bit the bullet. I placed the order, the gear is in the mail! It’s headed to my house as we speak.
I’m going to show you guys everything. What the package of steroids I ordered off the internet looks like, what’s inside.
You can get some answers on the internet, but it takes months of digging into forums. And since it is illegal, lots of people don’t want to talk directly about it. They talk AROUND it. I’m going to talk about it. I want this blog to grow into the resource that was not available when I started this journey.
I had TONS of questions before I decided to do this. Can I buy steroids online? How do I know they won’t just steal my money? Should I get them from the guy at the gym? How do I know it’s not fake? If I do steroids and then stop, will I keep all of the muscle? Will I keep any of it?
I’m going to answer ALL of that for you by living it! So follow along as I break out of my average body.